Rotten Bastards

It's a blog. It's a way of life. It's many things in between.


Thursday, 17 May 2007

Gypsy Blood

I've lived in over 80 houses, in 3 countries, in I don't know how many towns.

One town banned the Ninja Turtles.
One was the murder capital of the world.
In one I got beat up for being white.
In another you could hear the cows screaming in the slaughter house behind the fence.
In one town a seven year old kid taught us how to make bombs like his ex-army dad taught him.
In one town The Crocodile Hunter wrestled a wild boar in our back yard.
In one I got a broken arm, the chicken pox and an eye for dodging Red Back Spiders.
In one I was told that I'd never amount to anything.
In one I nearly drowned.
In one town our whole street burned down.
In another the hills burned.

For every one I remember, there are three I don't. And I guess I grew up a little in each of them.

Monday, 14 May 2007

Bundaberg vs. Buenos Aires

I have now spent one year in Buenos Aires and feel qualified to make a comparison between this city, and my hometown of Bundaberg, concentrating specifically on the essential categories of Politics, Food, Culture, Social Life, and Women.

Politics
Argentinean politics are a mess. The current government is Peronist/Socialist but people rarely have the patience to stick with one party for more than a few years, hence the constant state of upheaval and economic chaos.

In Bundaberg, 73% of people still vote for Joe Bjelke-Peterson, despite him not being on the ballot, having alzheimers, and being dead.

Food
The people of Buenos Aires enjoy some of the best steak in the world, which is cheap, plentiful, and so tender that it melts like butter in your mouth. On the whole, the food is delicious, but tends to be fairly bland, lacking the spice of many other South American foods. They don’t put pepper on the table with the salt, which pisses me off, as it’s one of my favourite pastimes. The wine is excellent, especially the Malbec, but be warned it causes drunkenness which in turn can result in debauch.

Bundaberg’s most famous foodstuff is the enigmatically named ‘Bundaberg Rum’. Some lexicographers and language experts believe the name stems from the fact that the product in question is rum, and it comes from Bundaberg, but this is pure speculation. It is known to “tan your insides and put hairs on your bum” and is delicious. When combined with cola it makes people fight each other, then vomit. The only historical reference I could find related to the cuisine in Bundaberg is from Mal Meninga, who reminisces about how as a child in Bundy he used to sit under his house and eat dirt.

Culture
Buenos Aires combines the cultures of Spain, Italy, France, Germany and England, among others with the native South American influence to create a unique and fascinating experience. It’s a city of caf├ęs, galleries, tango milongas, thumping, beating football stadia, and seductive restaurants.

Bundaberg has the ‘whaling wall’, which is a large painting of some whales on Quay St, although it is pretty faded now. I thought it was also the birthplace of Ingo Rademacher, but having just checked with Wikipedia, it seems he was born in Germany. Here is the section relating to the General Hospital star’s time in the Berg from Wikipedia:

Rademacher was 10 and his sister Anne was 12 when their parents, Arndt and Roswitha, moved the family from Germany to a goat ranch and vegetable farm in New South Wales, Australia. After four years of droughts and floods, they packed up and settled in coastal Bundaberg, Queensland, where natural athlete Ingo surfed, sailed and rode horses. Rademacher was the lead singer in a Bundaberg band, Who Cares, and recorded one single, Life's a Party after winning a local band contest. He dropped out of the University of Brisbane after six months and began a stint as a model.

Social Life

B.A. has an excellent nightlife, with a myriad of bars and clubs to choose from. However it takes some getting used to the late hours – dinner around 11-12, arrive at the club around 2am.

As of a few years ago, Thunderberg now has a second McDonald’s, which serves as a meeting place as well as a drive-through restaurant. Bundy Bowl and Leisure Complex is also popular with teens and young couples. Tuesday is the night to do ‘tough laps’ in the CBD in your car. Injecting speed is probably the most popular pastime.

Women
By my calculations based on population, marriage trends etc, in Buenos Aires there are currently 801,945 available women between the ages of 18 and 40. Bundaberg has 31 (that figure includes the ones who are currently pregnant but not in a serious relationship). Argentine girls are a spectacular mix of latin/American races, however being strong Catholics, they require some effort to court. Of the 31 single girls in Bundy, 24 are inbred. I don’t mean that as a slur or a joke, I just mean that they are inbred. They will probably sleep with you if you buy them some goon, though.


Sorry for the length, that sounds a bit like a smug rant. Bundaberg is actually pretty nice, I abuse it with affection the same way I do all my loved ones. You should go there sometime.

Saturday, 12 May 2007

my hometown

i have lived in the same town and the same house for all my life. i do not love the town nor do i hate it. it just exists. i have known people that as soon as they were done school they wanted to leave from here because this town is a "shit hole". little do they realize that 99% of places are shit holes. why? people make a town and the majority of people are shit heads.

some of the people who i know who left went to B.C., the United States, Australia and other places. they come back telling of how these places are so much better and of all the things they have seen. from here they begin a rant on how this town is a road to no where. maybe i haven't done much with my life but then again seeing a few exotic animals and having some weird type of liquors doesn't mean too much. we both have accomplished fuck all. the one difference is that i don't have the blinders on.

i know i will not be a huge success in life and that my name will not be universally known. the sooner this is realized, the sooner one can live their life. i will live and i will die and maybe fifty years after my death i will not even be a memory. at least i am accepting this and won't be on my death bed wondering if i could have accomplished more in life. i already know the answer.

Thursday, 10 May 2007

Going home is easy

City, town or suburb.

There's a certain vibe. A feeling. An odour. A look.

If you've spent most of your youth or childhood in one place it becomes etched into your psyche. For good or ill, it's true.

Far off places may beckon. Ages may pass. But all it takes is one trigger to bring it back.

A vision, a sound, a taste, an aroma.

The smell of fresh cut grass and lawnmower exhaust and all of a sudden you're thirteen again. You're hot, you're sweaty, you're pissed off.

The perfume of that girl who let you kiss her. The taste of her lips.

Ice cream, melting all over your hand. Bought from the back of a huge pink van with a window in the side.

The smell of the hot asphalt melting underneath you as you hop barefoot from one leg to the other. Until you give the ice cream man his due and you run off to cool you feet on the freshly cut lawn.