Rotten Bastards

It's a blog. It's a way of life. It's many things in between.

Sunday, 27 April 2008

under the infleundce

so i syasb to the guy, who the fuck are you and why arw shining a laser in my eye?
you brought a fucking taser home from thaialnd? how did you get it through customs yuo dodgy bastard!it shorrible the sonud is all crackly and scary. i got flasherd by a spped camera and i dont have a valid licenec sop i am pretty fu ckd noew. that caks wine was hrorbile but i mixed it with lemonade and it was a bit okasy but heaps better than the gross beer and some dog came into the abckyard and ghis name was "dude" who the fuck clals theuir dog dude/. seriouskly. he was blakc and i patted him but then i got a bit itchy cos i am allergic to like evrything. and it weas a bbq and the dead animal smoke was blowing on me nd i nearly barfed. she has lots of hats on the hatsnad in the hallway so w eall put hats on. i looked like a fucking bushman. then i danced to qwueen and freedie emrcury makes me cry cos he is dead. so we drank more and i ate a micorwaved potato cos the bqked ones had btter on them. no thanks. then we played with the laser a bit more and i got brinas in the eye and he is a policeman and he was not impressed. i tried to have a nap but it was all spinny.. the trmapoline was not a good idea. then we werwe singing and the sheep in the yatrd next door was baa baa baaing. so now i am hoem and i dont have to wokr tomoorw so i am rpewttyy happy so im come on the internet and aperil is enarly over so maybe i should post a blog but ti is influences... and i couldnt think of anythign all month cos i ahve beend rinking way too much lately, its very unladylike. so i tohught mayeb somethign will coem to mind now so i started typing and all i got was this garbage wioth enought typos to make anyone go blind and im sorry and i cans ee squiggly re dlines under all the mistakes but fucked if i am, gonan go trhu and correct them, all cos that would just defeat the purpiose of this and my fingrres are too slwo for my brian anyway and i wanna get out of here and go buy somrhying to eat but at the end of the day my biggetsd influence is ALCOFUCKINGHOL. cheers.

Thursday, 24 April 2008

I wear my influences like a drunken bum wears vomit

I'd like to say that there was a huge influence in my life but really there hasn't been one figure that has stood out. At certain times I was interested or influenced but these influences have not held on to all my life.

For me, an influence can be anything. It can be getting punched in the face by the drunk at the bar when you are being an arrogant cunt. Also it can be when you are taking a shit and realizing you are out of toilet paper and have to run upstairs for it with your cock flapping in the wind.

At the end of the day influences are like puke and shit. You might take a bunch of crap in, but it's going to come out as a fucking mess. However this mess is uniquely different from anyone elses mess. You show your influences with the excrement that comes out; a convoleted mess.

Saturday, 19 April 2008

Prince Rogers Nelson


Well that's a juicy one, ain't it?

I mean, after all, everyone has their influences. Whether they be people, places or things.

I suppose at one end of the spectrum you can argue that everything I've ever come into contact with, or indeed, everything in the universe influences me in some small way.

But I think the point here is to go a little deeper than that.

The trouble is, there are so many things to discuss. Not just people. But ideas. Places. Things.

Where does one begin?

Perhaps with music.

Musically I would have to say that my greatest influence, or the musician who had the most affect on me would be Prince. In my formative years (and even now), his music has all touched a chord in me. Sure, his latest couple of albums may be pretty pedestrian and his whole "I'm gonna sue my fans and stop swearing because Jesus said so" bullshit is irritating. But fuck me if he isn't a goddamn, bona fide, musical fucking genius. Possibly the most under-appreciated guitarist in history.

Listening to Prince's sexually charged and provocative lyrics have definitely influenced my way of thinking about love and lust and ladies. His music was a large part of the foundation that would eventually become who I am now.

In fact, now that I think about it, Prince would probably be the greatest influence on me. Apart from my parents of course, but they don't count 'cause they're not famous or anything cool like that.

Everything else that I think about sort of pales in comparison, in terms of influence and longevity. I can start to rattle off other things here like, say, christianity. Religion has had an influence on me. I used to quite the christian. Tolkien was a big early influence. I credit The Hobbit as the book that turned me into a reader. Hunter S. Thompson. Charles Bukowski. Shakespeare. Buddy Wakefield. All more recent influences.

Skepticism has been a great influence on me in the last few years. It's fast approaching Prince levels of influence and it has helped me become part of the reality based community.

But at the end of the day, it's all about the music. The funk of it. The rock of it. The soul of it. The sex of it. Prince is the man.

And if you doubt me, then you ought to challenge him to a game of basketball.


Tuesday, 15 April 2008


Inspired by Jean-Claude Silbermann- a Surrealist Experiment.......

To retain it's freshness, THE SOUL must remain dry. Sterility gauranteed unless THE SOUL is SHADOW, but you can get all other types of infections by re-using your own SOUL. If you have to re-use damaged or open. (For External Use Only). Please dispose of THE SOUL safely. Fill THE SELF all the way up with SOUL and leave it for a full 2 minutes. THE SOUL should be full strength and not watered down. You can not give THE SOUL to your SELF by re-using your own your SOUL bleach it first. If THE SOUL hurts, pull out!! The selling of SOULS is permitted only in closed packages. Do not remove THE SOUL from THE SELF until moment of use. Do not remove the protective SELF until moment of use. Recent studies have shown that THE SOUL may live outside the body at room temperature for atleast 16 hours, but no longer than 4 days. Never carry THE SOUL in pocket as THE SOUL may ignite and cause burn injuries. All SOULS sold in the U.S. meet the same FDA standards for strength and quality. If you want to lose THE SOUL and are 18 years of age or younger, consult a doctor. Rapid SOUL loss may cause health problems. Slide rubber spatula between THE SELF and THE SHADOW to easily seperate them without tearing. Remove THE SHADOW from THE SELF before intial use. Apply THE SOUL to genital area (vary amount of SOUL to achieve desired lubrication). THE SOUL is extremely slippery-clean spills immediately. Take this SOUL exactly as misdirected. Do not skip rope. When using this Soul see important warnings: avoid contact with eyes in nostrils. Avoid feeding suspect breast. Caution: Federal Law prohibits the transfer of SOULS to any persons other than THE SELF to whom it was divined.©Eli Higgins 2008___
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