Rotten Bastards

It's a blog. It's a way of life. It's many things in between.

Friday, 27 February 2009

yes we can.

as human beings it seems that it is our natural instinct to blame others for our short comings. it is easier to blame someone else than to admit we fucked up. if people have a horrible life they blame it on their parents for not loving them enough (except in cases of incest where the opposite is obviously a problem). it is now my turn to tell a story that may have had a traumatic effect on me and turned me into the person i am today. i feel that in telling this story i will inspire others to do the same and we can unite. through this unification we will find ways to stop hunger, AIDS and snooty cunts who think you are interested in what they are saying when really all you want to do is to see if their bush is shaved or not. enough with the malarky, here's my story.

it was while i was in kindergarten that this event happened. it wasn't a girl saying i was ugly or getting the shit kicked out of me that effected me, it was the teacher.

i wore sweat pants like many boys did at the time. comfortable, durable, and easy to take off in case any girls in my class wanted to play doctor during recess. i had a problem with these pants though. whenever i would take a piss in a urinal i felt a need to pull the pants and my underwear down to my knees and to show off my bare ass while i pissed. while my parents may have found it funny, they didn't tell me to quit taunting the pedophiles with this behavior. a fellow student named jeff decided to though.

jeff smack or slap me on my bare ass while i was pissing. this obviously caused a commotion and i didn't appreciate his hijinks. in hindsight, it may have been better to pull up my pants when i started to scrap with him but i guess anger took over. anyway a slapping fight between the town of us started and my sweat pants and underwear were hanging around my knees. maybe in some undeveloped countries showing your dick while fighting is a ritual for showing your manliness but i ended up looking like a fucking idiot.

the slapping fight continued for a bit until the teacher came into the bathroom and broke up the fighting. remember that my pecker was still out when she came into the bathroom and split up the ruckus. the next part is where my memory fades but i remember her spanking both of us. now i don't remember if she spanked me while my pants were around my knees but for the sake of the story, she did.

jeff and i were both punished for our hijinx. we weren't allowed a snack during snack time. for some weird reason i remember that it was chili that day and i thought that if i sniffed alot, the smell of the chili was the same as eating it and so i wasn't missing out. i can't remember what i ate two days ago but can remember this incident from twenty years ago. i'm a fucking mess.

so that's my story. let the others come out and post similiar stories so humanity can grow.


Anonymous said...

An erotic parable about American involvement in Iraq? Fighting a war with your dick out is just such an apt metaphor. Funniest thing I've read in weeks. Damn good, man.

Tomby Stone said...

"if people have a horrible life they blame it on their parents for not loving them enough (except in cases of incest where the opposite is obviously a problem)."

I love it, this really is the best thing you've written. I've heard you mention the ass slapping pee fight event before but I will never ever get over the fact that you were one of those kids who dropped their pants to pee. That's always gonna make me look at you funny.