Thursday 27 November 2008
Fuck, I depressed me.
Beating a dead horse, I'd prefer to call my experience flogging an expired equine. I'm a fag like that. It only happens when I'm around her, and I cannot get away. This is why I'm on my fourth scotch with no end in sight. We were never really a couple, but we were together toward the end of my adolescence. I know I loved her, but my aversion to physical contact instilled by a religious toltolitarian of a mother drove us apart. It was my fault, and I took the responsibility, but now I'm going to beat a dead horse and call her. She lives two blocks away and we're still friends. We will never be together again, even now as I've sorted out my personal issues, I know this. Yet I still swing the stick into the horses' ribs over and over and over. Torture, it literally eats at me like necrotizing fasciitis of the 'heart'. Fuck, the horse is just mush now. But I'm still going to beat it.
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2 comments:
Damn! That horse corpse is obviously still fresh on your mind. The "friend" status just keeps your heart tied to the whippin' post along with it. Nothing to do but pour another two fingers of antivenin and cue up that tape with the old songs you both loved. One of these days you'll look back at that old horse fondly as a passion that could never be repeated. In the meantime, put it to good use like you did here. Welcome aboard.
It never helps to get back in touch with them. The personal issues you think you get over after losing touch with them are often just effects their presence has on you that come back full force as soon as she comes back at all.
People will tell you there's no way to truly deal with this but they don't know what the Hell they're talking about.
What you need to do is buy an exact replica of the outfit you remember her in most clearly, hire a prostitute, make the prostitute wear the outfit and strangle the prostitute to death while screaming all the shit you wanted to scream at the one that got away.
Do this once every six months or so and you'll be fine.
Caution - Make sure it's only six months or so. Don't get carried away with it. That's what did Bundy in.
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