Rotten Bastards

It's a blog. It's a way of life. It's many things in between.

Thursday, 2 August 2007

The Farmer and the Stork

The cloth felt softer against my skin every time I wore it. That lady on the commercial was right, this was possibly the brightest white I have ever seen. I knew the rest of the guys were going to be super fucking jealous. Obviously we all made fun when one us turned up in dowdy grey robes, that kinda gloopy off white you get when you don't spend the extra 50 cents at the market. Well not today, not me, I was going make them all look ridiculous by comparison.

The keys to my truck were... wait, where did I put those damn things. Not in my pockets, always put them on the little table by the door... they're not in their place... that’s weird. CHURCH PANTS! Of course, left them in my church pants. Great service last night, I wasn't really paying that much attention but that's not the point. As long as I keep going and I’m straight, I got a one way ticket to those pearly gates. I'm really glad about that too 'cus my buddy Bill dead a few weeks back and I’d love to play poker with Bill again, he was a good guy, all the guys held a big wake for him. I got so drunk I ended up fucking that one legged girl who lives outside'a town. Sally her name was... or Sarah. Nothing' funnier than watching that little stump flicking all over the place while she's bent over the hood of my truck, tight little ass on her too. Had to try really hard not to laugh though, you know what these cripples are like, all "I love you" and "You're different". They eat it up every time, you know like "eat it up" Git er done!! Haha, I love that Larry the Cable Guy, he's a funny sumbitch.

Anyway, big meeting tonight, gotta be careful not get my robes dirty. From what the guys were telling me last week the Grand Dragon will be here tonight. Apparently something's going down, not sure what but you always know there's gonna be a big turn out when he shows up.

Fuck me, there's a lot of people here tonight, the chants have started already... "Who do we hate? NIGGERS! When do we hate them? NOW!!" I sometimes wonder who writes these chants. Some of them are pretty lame, I mean I aint gonna say nothing, but I bet I could come up with some better ones. Like... i dunno... "Hey nigger you're so black, you’re so black you blow my mind. Hey Nigger!!" although I might have heard that somewhere before... Anyway the Grand Dragon has taken the stage, he looks nice.

I'm gonna be grand dragon some day, all my friends laugh at me but if I keep going to church and hating coons REALLY hard, it'll happen, I know it. Wait what did he say? I missed that. Man, I shouldn't get so caught up day dreaming... Everyone's running back to their trucks. Awesome!!! Jimmy just told me were going lynching!! This is awesome!!! I always keep my extra thick hanging rope in my truck just in case.

Only about a 5 mile drive into town, really exited now. We used to do this kinda stuff all the time but since the police got all liberal and stopped taking our money we have to keep it on the down low. We've stopped... everyone’s getting out... over there, three of them... dirty motherfuckers. Wait hang on a second, the one in the middle... he looks...white...

I was a little confused. Jimmy grabbed the rope out my truck and they started string all three of them up. I mean fine, string the two darkies up there, no problem with that... but the white boy? Maybe I should say something. No, bad idea... I don't want to come across as some bleeding heart pussy. We stood there for a while... bout and hour. It's strange being stood there watching these three bodies just swinging in the breeze.

I turned to Jimmy and whispered to him... I asked him why they'd strung the white kid up there too... he turned to me and said "The moral of the story is that associating with bad companions will lead everyone to believe you are bad yourself."

...too soon?

Yours satirically

A. Partheid


tammy said...

Right now I'm hating the fact that I work for lawyers.

enjoyed this. and good topic choice.

Sariel Thrawn said...

I think you just made the baby Jesus smile.

Well done.