Why was there always a shit next to the toilet?
Who can't shit IN a toilet, only next to it?
Wednesday, 7 March 2007
Sunday, 4 March 2007
school time memories...
These are things that happened to me through out my school years. It is somewhat an auto-biography and a self cleansing because some of these stories haven't been said to many or even any. Read if you want and be free to play psychologist with my life.
Kindergarten - In Kindergarten I was one of those kids who when they took a piss would pull their pants down so their bare ass was showing. One day I was taking a piss at school and another student slapped me on my ass. I turned around and we got in a fight with my kindergarten cock hanging out. The teacher came into the bathroom, spanked both of us and we didn't get the snack that day. It was chili.
Grade One - Our class got out about a 1/2 hour before the other grades. I was too afraid to walk home from school because of the "stranger danger' bullshit that got pumped in my head from a young age. I would hang around the boot room until my sister was finished school and walk home with her. Oh yeah, I lived less than a block away from the school.
Grade Two - I remember a teacher giving me shit because I used the term "screw up" in class, even though she regularly used the word crap. Somewhat ironically, she only taught half the school year because she ended up getting knocked up.
Grade Three - In gym class we had to do a dance thing with groups we picked. I was with two guys and the one guy wanted to dance to Corey Hart's "Sun Glasses at Night". We ended up choosing the song "Joyride" by Roxette. My biggest memory of this whole thing was that all three of us were in my basement dancing to this song and my dad came downstairs. I think he thought I was gay for many years.
Grade Four - I remember going swimming at the pool and following around a girl who I thought was good looking (she is also mormon). Her swimsuit top fell off, I saw boob, she saw I was looking and I don't believe I said a word to her for 2-3 years.
Grade Five - Until this grade I never wore jeans. My parents finally bought me a pair of jeans which were called "Fuzz". Some kid in class made fun of me alot and I ended up going home and crying to my home. To make things better (sarcasm is hard to convey with my writing) She phoned up the kid's mom and talked to her. This made things worse and the kid along with others made fun of my jeans. When I was around 20 I ran into him at the bar and he was being an ass to me. I ended up slamming him into a wall in the bathroom and choking him. Haven't seen him since.
Grade Six - I had to draw a pie chart for a class. My circle sucked ass, the teacher made me redo it and get the shitty one I originally drew signed by my mom. He knew my mom and I was pissed off that this happened to me and almost cried.
Grade Seven - My friend and I chose a Home Economics class because we thought we would be the only guys in it and get girls. He did, I didn't. It took me four or five months to make a shitty pillow and I ended up barely passing the class.
Grade Eight - I was in a Communications Technology with a teacher who just finished school. She was an emotional wreck and always wore the same ugly jeans and boots to class. Our class was made up of a bunch of assholes and she tried punishing us by making us write an essay on some topic. I went to the school's library, used a computer encyclopia and printed out their information for the topic she gave us. I ended up photocopying this information for everyone in the class so we all handed in the same thing. That class she stood in front of everyone, cried and swore at us. She only lasted that semester and I heard she ended up having mental health issues. Whoops. Also in that year I finally felt sorry for someone I went to school with. This one kid got beat up so often that he would wear a mirror in his baseball cap so he could see if someone was coming from behind to beat the shit out of him.
Grade Nine - I was taking a piss during English class and some of my friends nominated me for Student Council. I didn't want to do it but the teacher said I couldn't back out of it. I ended up not doing anything for it, such as putting up posters, as well as writing a speech. In front of the entire school I tried making up a speech and stuttered horribly. Somehow I ended up winning against the other person who was running, a girl who was dead set in winning. She ended up crying after I won,came up to me in the hall and said she hoped I did a good job. I ended up doing fuck all with student council and she did more work for it then me.
Grade Ten - I went to my friends house one day for lunch and when he was driving back to school I ended up farting. It ended up being a case of diarrhea so I went to the school's bathroom, took off my underwear and left it in the stall. My friend looked into the stall after I was done because he thought he saw something. I ended up saying it was already there before I used the bathroom. Sorry I lied.
Grade Eleven - Finally had my first girlfriend. I was over clingy and she dumped me a few months later. We lived in the same town, yet she found it crucial to dump me over ICQ. She later made up some shit to try and get some guy to kick my ass. Nothing ever happened with that, which I'm thankful for because he could kick my ass. I saw her not too long ago and realized I have longer hair and bigger boobs than her.
Grade Twelve - I brought my guitar in a case to school one day. This one guy thought he would be funny and asked me if my banjo was in there. I replied by saying "No, but your mom's body is". He was one of those people who worshipped wrestling and responded by throwing me around for a bit. Oh yeah, I also graduated.
the end.
Kindergarten - In Kindergarten I was one of those kids who when they took a piss would pull their pants down so their bare ass was showing. One day I was taking a piss at school and another student slapped me on my ass. I turned around and we got in a fight with my kindergarten cock hanging out. The teacher came into the bathroom, spanked both of us and we didn't get the snack that day. It was chili.
Grade One - Our class got out about a 1/2 hour before the other grades. I was too afraid to walk home from school because of the "stranger danger' bullshit that got pumped in my head from a young age. I would hang around the boot room until my sister was finished school and walk home with her. Oh yeah, I lived less than a block away from the school.
Grade Two - I remember a teacher giving me shit because I used the term "screw up" in class, even though she regularly used the word crap. Somewhat ironically, she only taught half the school year because she ended up getting knocked up.
Grade Three - In gym class we had to do a dance thing with groups we picked. I was with two guys and the one guy wanted to dance to Corey Hart's "Sun Glasses at Night". We ended up choosing the song "Joyride" by Roxette. My biggest memory of this whole thing was that all three of us were in my basement dancing to this song and my dad came downstairs. I think he thought I was gay for many years.
Grade Four - I remember going swimming at the pool and following around a girl who I thought was good looking (she is also mormon). Her swimsuit top fell off, I saw boob, she saw I was looking and I don't believe I said a word to her for 2-3 years.
Grade Five - Until this grade I never wore jeans. My parents finally bought me a pair of jeans which were called "Fuzz". Some kid in class made fun of me alot and I ended up going home and crying to my home. To make things better (sarcasm is hard to convey with my writing) She phoned up the kid's mom and talked to her. This made things worse and the kid along with others made fun of my jeans. When I was around 20 I ran into him at the bar and he was being an ass to me. I ended up slamming him into a wall in the bathroom and choking him. Haven't seen him since.
Grade Six - I had to draw a pie chart for a class. My circle sucked ass, the teacher made me redo it and get the shitty one I originally drew signed by my mom. He knew my mom and I was pissed off that this happened to me and almost cried.
Grade Seven - My friend and I chose a Home Economics class because we thought we would be the only guys in it and get girls. He did, I didn't. It took me four or five months to make a shitty pillow and I ended up barely passing the class.
Grade Eight - I was in a Communications Technology with a teacher who just finished school. She was an emotional wreck and always wore the same ugly jeans and boots to class. Our class was made up of a bunch of assholes and she tried punishing us by making us write an essay on some topic. I went to the school's library, used a computer encyclopia and printed out their information for the topic she gave us. I ended up photocopying this information for everyone in the class so we all handed in the same thing. That class she stood in front of everyone, cried and swore at us. She only lasted that semester and I heard she ended up having mental health issues. Whoops. Also in that year I finally felt sorry for someone I went to school with. This one kid got beat up so often that he would wear a mirror in his baseball cap so he could see if someone was coming from behind to beat the shit out of him.
Grade Nine - I was taking a piss during English class and some of my friends nominated me for Student Council. I didn't want to do it but the teacher said I couldn't back out of it. I ended up not doing anything for it, such as putting up posters, as well as writing a speech. In front of the entire school I tried making up a speech and stuttered horribly. Somehow I ended up winning against the other person who was running, a girl who was dead set in winning. She ended up crying after I won,came up to me in the hall and said she hoped I did a good job. I ended up doing fuck all with student council and she did more work for it then me.
Grade Ten - I went to my friends house one day for lunch and when he was driving back to school I ended up farting. It ended up being a case of diarrhea so I went to the school's bathroom, took off my underwear and left it in the stall. My friend looked into the stall after I was done because he thought he saw something. I ended up saying it was already there before I used the bathroom. Sorry I lied.
Grade Eleven - Finally had my first girlfriend. I was over clingy and she dumped me a few months later. We lived in the same town, yet she found it crucial to dump me over ICQ. She later made up some shit to try and get some guy to kick my ass. Nothing ever happened with that, which I'm thankful for because he could kick my ass. I saw her not too long ago and realized I have longer hair and bigger boobs than her.
Grade Twelve - I brought my guitar in a case to school one day. This one guy thought he would be funny and asked me if my banjo was in there. I replied by saying "No, but your mom's body is". He was one of those people who worshipped wrestling and responded by throwing me around for a bit. Oh yeah, I also graduated.
the end.
Friday, 2 March 2007
Those Were The Days
I remember school.
I remember good stuff.
I remember bad stuff.
I remember that time when I was 12 and that girl wanted to kiss me in the back of the bus.
I remember that time I took a beating 'cause I was smaller than the other guy and he could.
I remember the day when I accidentally called my science teacher "Dad".
I remember the hard ons I used to get for no reason at all.
I remember being bold enough to go up to that girl and kiss her on the lips.
I remember being too scared to even approach that other girl, much less kiss her.
If I knew then, what I know now, things would have turned out quite different.
But if I knew then what I know now, I would not be the man I am today.
I remember good stuff.
I remember bad stuff.
I remember that time when I was 12 and that girl wanted to kiss me in the back of the bus.
I remember that time I took a beating 'cause I was smaller than the other guy and he could.
I remember the day when I accidentally called my science teacher "Dad".
I remember the hard ons I used to get for no reason at all.
I remember being bold enough to go up to that girl and kiss her on the lips.
I remember being too scared to even approach that other girl, much less kiss her.
If I knew then, what I know now, things would have turned out quite different.
But if I knew then what I know now, I would not be the man I am today.
Thursday, 1 March 2007
Schooltime memories.
I don't have them.
A friend recently reminded me of a number of things I'd forgotten about at school.
Does this bother me?
Probably not. I don't know. If it did I'm sure I'd know.
What I don't know encompasses most things.
I'm an expansive not knower.
What I do know is this:
Kids, adults are lying to you.
If the years at school really were the best of your life: why are they still living?
If they knew absolutely they've had the best time of their lives already, and it was only going to go downhill they wouldn't bother to carry on.
Me? Yes, I had some good times at school, but mostly it was boring and I couldn't wait to have it done with.
Look at me here. It's a Thursday night: A school night and I'm drunk.
I win kids.
A friend recently reminded me of a number of things I'd forgotten about at school.
Does this bother me?
Probably not. I don't know. If it did I'm sure I'd know.
What I don't know encompasses most things.
I'm an expansive not knower.
What I do know is this:
Kids, adults are lying to you.
If the years at school really were the best of your life: why are they still living?
If they knew absolutely they've had the best time of their lives already, and it was only going to go downhill they wouldn't bother to carry on.
Me? Yes, I had some good times at school, but mostly it was boring and I couldn't wait to have it done with.
Look at me here. It's a Thursday night: A school night and I'm drunk.
I win kids.
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