I have bad news for you. I have seen your future and I know of the horror that awaits you. I will tell you of your terrible fate but please understand that I do so only for the sake of entertainment and fulfilling my obligation to a blog I should never have helped create and no longer enjoy writing on. This is not a warning, there is nothing you can do to avoid the future I have seen laid out for you but if you would still like to know please read on.
At some point in the future you will stub your toe. You will scrunch your little face up in agony, grasp the stubbed area and curse under heavy pained breath through tightly clenched teeth. That brief moment between stubbing your toe and the fading of the agony it causes will be truly horrible.
This will happen, you cannot avoid it. You can try, you can buy an extra fluffy pair of bunny slippers and take nothing more than baby steps when walking around your abode but trust me, this will do nothing other than make you look even more adorable as you wait for the inevitable toe stubbing. Still don't believe me ?? You just wait. One day you'll get careless, you'll wake up late for an appointment or simply forget to take care when running to answer a ringing phone and BAM. I don't claim any psychic powers or any insight into your personal situation and I can understand your doubt. You may believe you can beat the odds, you may think it may not happen to you but you will see, you will stub and on that day I want you to think of me and what a fool you were to ever doubt me.
Even after that fateful day of toe stubbing I want you to realise that it's not over, I want you to realise that it will happen again. I want you to spend every moment of your life understanding and accepting the fact that the inevitable day of the next toe stubbing is just around the corner. This may sound like a terrible thing to have to live with but trust me, keeping this inescapable horror in mind will help you truly appreciate those moments that don't involve the stubbing of one's toe.
NOTE - Nothing I have said here goes for people who are crippled, people who have or will soon have their feet amputated and people who will die incredibly soon. If you are one of these people you are likely to avoid ever stubbing your toe again, lucky you.
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4 comments:
here's to hoping i become diabetic.
Don't lie. You love writing here as much as you like tofu.
Even when you're not trying you come up with good shit.
It's not the toe stubbing that I really dread, it's the shin barking.
Oh, the horror!
"I want you to spend every moment of your life understanding and accepting the fact that the inevitable day of the next toe stubbing is just around the corner."
so, you're a buddhist now?
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